I'm straight. I'm a married mom of two beautiful children and two wonderful stepchildren. I am a Christian. I believe in God, and that He made us each as He intended. I believe in sin and struggles that we all face daily. I also believe in, and know, grace and mercy. I thank God for His daily, as I don't know where I'd be without it. I also believe that He commands me to love and extend the same grace and mercy He gives me - to everyone.
I remember when I moved to California many years ago! I was full of energy and ready to go out and save the world! Working for a not-for-profit advocacy group gave me the opportunity to surround myself with new ideas and people from all walks of life. Most were what we call "socially liberal" in their politics and leanings and I loved every second of it. We had one girl on staff though that was so anti-gay, and vocal about it, that I had to counsel her on curtailing her expression of those beliefs in the workplace. She was perfectly in her right to hold those beliefs but not in openly espousing those at work. She signed her paper, understanding the position we were forced to take. It was only a couple of weeks later that she asked to talk to me in private after I had dropped everyone else off on turf. It turns out that she did indeed struggle with homosexuality, but not in the way she had led us to believe. She explained that she was in fact, struggling with her own attraction to other women. Her own fears were expressed through her hate filled comments toward those that had already dealt with her same struggles. Several years later, I had returned to NC to live and received a five page letter from her. I had to sit in my car and reread it several times before I could dry my eyes enough to even try and compose my thoughts. In it, she shared the horrendous struggles and battles she had fought through for most of her life. She was adopted as a young child, and raised in a very strict Christian home. She tried to fit every mold she was put in but always knew something wasn't quite right. As she matured she thought she had figured out that she was a lesbian and her coming out to me was the first step in healing. It didn't work. She had married another woman and while their love was true, her healing was not. There was something more. In the long run, she discovered that she was born with both sets of chromosomes - genetically, she was in fact, both a man and a woman. I can't even imagine what that must be like. Outwardly, she was female, but everything on the inside felt completely male. She didn't choose this. She was born this way. After many months - years - of anguish, she decided to take another step toward healing and became the first trans I ever knew. In her letter to me, she explained that she loved me as always but would certainly understand if I couldn't continue our friendship. I think that is what hurt me the most. Do I understand, absolutely not! I can empathize, but I have no experiences to base understanding on. But do I love HIM the same way I loved HER? Absolutely! It hurt me to think that she had to question that. Sadly, though, many friends did run the other way, and while many things were healed, many were newly fractured. Bruce Jenner's very public transformation into Caitlyn Jenner has brought many of these memories and feelings flooding to the surface. Again, I still can't say I understand, but I do empathize with what she has had to face. And, under extreme scrutiny from a public that loves and lives to bash others! The saddest thing to me is the bashing she is taking from both sides! The conservative, condemning right that assures her she is going straight to Hell is relentless. But the LGBT community is almost as bad - referring to her money, fame and media acclaim, as a reason not to sympathize with her or support her. Wow! I don't understand this either! Come on folks, we are all different. We all have strengths, opportunities and struggles that others don't. But rather than demean and disrespect those, can we not learn to celebrate and rejoice in them? I want to be understood, to be loved and respected, in spite of my many shortcomings. I believe we all do. Many times, that doesn't happen and we react to our own disappointment with negativity toward others. It doesn't fix the hurt inside us - as a matter of fact, I believe it worsens it in the long run. But it does provide a mask to hide our own fears and insecurities behind - to hide our sins and our failures. If we scream and point loud enough at someone else, no one will look at our mistakes, right?
I know many of my friends will take issue with what I am writing, and I'm ok with that. I've learned to live in my own skin and stand up for what I believe is right, even when most believe I'm wrong. It's the only way I know to live and live happily. Perhaps, if for just a moment, we all took a deep breath and said, today, I'm not going to judge... I'm not going to just react, but respond... I'm not going to point fingers or ridicule - but I'm going to love, just love as I want to be loved. To be respected as I want to be respected. To be accepted and celebrated in all my good and my bad! Maybe, just maybe, we all might begin to heal and the world truly would be a better place.
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