Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Caitlyn Jenner - oh my!!
I'm straight. I'm a married mom of two beautiful children and two wonderful stepchildren. I am a Christian. I believe in God, and that He made us each as He intended. I believe in sin and struggles that we all face daily. I also believe in, and know, grace and mercy. I thank God for His daily, as I don't know where I'd be without it. I also believe that He commands me to love and extend the same grace and mercy He gives me - to everyone.
I remember when I moved to California many years ago! I was full of energy and ready to go out and save the world! Working for a not-for-profit advocacy group gave me the opportunity to surround myself with new ideas and people from all walks of life. Most were what we call "socially liberal" in their politics and leanings and I loved every second of it. We had one girl on staff though that was so anti-gay, and vocal about it, that I had to counsel her on curtailing her expression of those beliefs in the workplace. She was perfectly in her right to hold those beliefs but not in openly espousing those at work. She signed her paper, understanding the position we were forced to take. It was only a couple of weeks later that she asked to talk to me in private after I had dropped everyone else off on turf. It turns out that she did indeed struggle with homosexuality, but not in the way she had led us to believe. She explained that she was in fact, struggling with her own attraction to other women. Her own fears were expressed through her hate filled comments toward those that had already dealt with her same struggles. Several years later, I had returned to NC to live and received a five page letter from her. I had to sit in my car and reread it several times before I could dry my eyes enough to even try and compose my thoughts. In it, she shared the horrendous struggles and battles she had fought through for most of her life. She was adopted as a young child, and raised in a very strict Christian home. She tried to fit every mold she was put in but always knew something wasn't quite right. As she matured she thought she had figured out that she was a lesbian and her coming out to me was the first step in healing. It didn't work. She had married another woman and while their love was true, her healing was not. There was something more. In the long run, she discovered that she was born with both sets of chromosomes - genetically, she was in fact, both a man and a woman. I can't even imagine what that must be like. Outwardly, she was female, but everything on the inside felt completely male. She didn't choose this. She was born this way. After many months - years - of anguish, she decided to take another step toward healing and became the first trans I ever knew. In her letter to me, she explained that she loved me as always but would certainly understand if I couldn't continue our friendship. I think that is what hurt me the most. Do I understand, absolutely not! I can empathize, but I have no experiences to base understanding on. But do I love HIM the same way I loved HER? Absolutely! It hurt me to think that she had to question that. Sadly, though, many friends did run the other way, and while many things were healed, many were newly fractured. Bruce Jenner's very public transformation into Caitlyn Jenner has brought many of these memories and feelings flooding to the surface. Again, I still can't say I understand, but I do empathize with what she has had to face. And, under extreme scrutiny from a public that loves and lives to bash others! The saddest thing to me is the bashing she is taking from both sides! The conservative, condemning right that assures her she is going straight to Hell is relentless. But the LGBT community is almost as bad - referring to her money, fame and media acclaim, as a reason not to sympathize with her or support her. Wow! I don't understand this either! Come on folks, we are all different. We all have strengths, opportunities and struggles that others don't. But rather than demean and disrespect those, can we not learn to celebrate and rejoice in them? I want to be understood, to be loved and respected, in spite of my many shortcomings. I believe we all do. Many times, that doesn't happen and we react to our own disappointment with negativity toward others. It doesn't fix the hurt inside us - as a matter of fact, I believe it worsens it in the long run. But it does provide a mask to hide our own fears and insecurities behind - to hide our sins and our failures. If we scream and point loud enough at someone else, no one will look at our mistakes, right?
I know many of my friends will take issue with what I am writing, and I'm ok with that. I've learned to live in my own skin and stand up for what I believe is right, even when most believe I'm wrong. It's the only way I know to live and live happily. Perhaps, if for just a moment, we all took a deep breath and said, today, I'm not going to judge... I'm not going to just react, but respond... I'm not going to point fingers or ridicule - but I'm going to love, just love as I want to be loved. To be respected as I want to be respected. To be accepted and celebrated in all my good and my bad! Maybe, just maybe, we all might begin to heal and the world truly would be a better place.
I remember when I moved to California many years ago! I was full of energy and ready to go out and save the world! Working for a not-for-profit advocacy group gave me the opportunity to surround myself with new ideas and people from all walks of life. Most were what we call "socially liberal" in their politics and leanings and I loved every second of it. We had one girl on staff though that was so anti-gay, and vocal about it, that I had to counsel her on curtailing her expression of those beliefs in the workplace. She was perfectly in her right to hold those beliefs but not in openly espousing those at work. She signed her paper, understanding the position we were forced to take. It was only a couple of weeks later that she asked to talk to me in private after I had dropped everyone else off on turf. It turns out that she did indeed struggle with homosexuality, but not in the way she had led us to believe. She explained that she was in fact, struggling with her own attraction to other women. Her own fears were expressed through her hate filled comments toward those that had already dealt with her same struggles. Several years later, I had returned to NC to live and received a five page letter from her. I had to sit in my car and reread it several times before I could dry my eyes enough to even try and compose my thoughts. In it, she shared the horrendous struggles and battles she had fought through for most of her life. She was adopted as a young child, and raised in a very strict Christian home. She tried to fit every mold she was put in but always knew something wasn't quite right. As she matured she thought she had figured out that she was a lesbian and her coming out to me was the first step in healing. It didn't work. She had married another woman and while their love was true, her healing was not. There was something more. In the long run, she discovered that she was born with both sets of chromosomes - genetically, she was in fact, both a man and a woman. I can't even imagine what that must be like. Outwardly, she was female, but everything on the inside felt completely male. She didn't choose this. She was born this way. After many months - years - of anguish, she decided to take another step toward healing and became the first trans I ever knew. In her letter to me, she explained that she loved me as always but would certainly understand if I couldn't continue our friendship. I think that is what hurt me the most. Do I understand, absolutely not! I can empathize, but I have no experiences to base understanding on. But do I love HIM the same way I loved HER? Absolutely! It hurt me to think that she had to question that. Sadly, though, many friends did run the other way, and while many things were healed, many were newly fractured. Bruce Jenner's very public transformation into Caitlyn Jenner has brought many of these memories and feelings flooding to the surface. Again, I still can't say I understand, but I do empathize with what she has had to face. And, under extreme scrutiny from a public that loves and lives to bash others! The saddest thing to me is the bashing she is taking from both sides! The conservative, condemning right that assures her she is going straight to Hell is relentless. But the LGBT community is almost as bad - referring to her money, fame and media acclaim, as a reason not to sympathize with her or support her. Wow! I don't understand this either! Come on folks, we are all different. We all have strengths, opportunities and struggles that others don't. But rather than demean and disrespect those, can we not learn to celebrate and rejoice in them? I want to be understood, to be loved and respected, in spite of my many shortcomings. I believe we all do. Many times, that doesn't happen and we react to our own disappointment with negativity toward others. It doesn't fix the hurt inside us - as a matter of fact, I believe it worsens it in the long run. But it does provide a mask to hide our own fears and insecurities behind - to hide our sins and our failures. If we scream and point loud enough at someone else, no one will look at our mistakes, right?
I know many of my friends will take issue with what I am writing, and I'm ok with that. I've learned to live in my own skin and stand up for what I believe is right, even when most believe I'm wrong. It's the only way I know to live and live happily. Perhaps, if for just a moment, we all took a deep breath and said, today, I'm not going to judge... I'm not going to just react, but respond... I'm not going to point fingers or ridicule - but I'm going to love, just love as I want to be loved. To be respected as I want to be respected. To be accepted and celebrated in all my good and my bad! Maybe, just maybe, we all might begin to heal and the world truly would be a better place.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Priceless Imperfection
As many of you know, I'm not much of a girl's girl. Really, the idea of being in a room with 20 other women for any length of time causes my forehead to bead up in sweat. I mean, let's face it, we can be difficult at best and just plain bitchy in numbers. Yet while I am tortured by the standard, who cooks best, is the pinnacle of fashion, or has the only cute kids on the planet conversations that typically dominate these gatherings, deep down, in my most secret corners, I am a Martha wanna be! There - it's finally out!
About a year ago, I stumbled across a magazine called Sweet Paul. Paul is the master of all things crafty, creative and yummy. His magazine is like a beautiful coffee table book of inspiration. When it arrives, I send the family out for the evening, pour a glass of vino and enjoy a zen like evening of dreaming that I could one day be like Paul or Martha. Sadly, that comes to an abrupt halt when I glance around at the mounds of unfolded clothes, a kitchen in chaos after yet another half finished DIY project and the look of exasperation on my family's faces. Sweet Paul and Martha, I simply am not!
One day, as I was reading, I happened to see The Makerie - a two day workshop hosted by the team at Sweet Paul. I half jokingly shared it with my husband, who couldn't help but roll his eyes and look upward, saying help me! I just smiled, knowing all to well what that meant. Christmas rolled around some weeks later and he was almost giddy waiting on me to open my gifts. He saved the best for last. It was just a plain envelope, but what was inside would change my life in ways I never anticipated. It was a beautiful card from Sweet Paul announcing that I would be attending The Makerie! I couldn't do anything but stare at it in disbelief, with tears in my eyes.
The excitement mounted over the coming months as I prepared for my trip to Philadelphia. Paul and the team created a private FaceBook group for us to begin getting acquainted with others attending. As people shared their stories, my confidence slowly began to fade until the day before my flight. I awoke that morning in a total panic, thinking what the heck am I doing! I don't have a creative bone in my body! Yet, I was soon going to be surrounded not by 20, but 120 talented, successful, creative women! LORD, I CAN'T DO THIS! As the day progressed, so did my anxiety. Suddenly, the dread was bigger than the excitement I had once felt.
I boarded my flight, still very unsure, the next morning. A small group of us had arranged through our group page to meet for dinner that night, so at least I would know a few people! One flight delay after another however, caused most of the group to cancel dinner, but one new friend, Michelle, and I still managed to meet up. After an early meal and a restless night of trying to find an escape, I found my way downstairs to board the shuttle to our first day of workshops. The lobby was buzzing, so I put on the best fake smile I could muster and headed for the coffee. Right about then, who should walk in but Sweet Paul himself! I don't know a celebrity one that could brighten my mood any more! Paul was actually quite sweet as I asked him to pose (yes, I'm a nerd!) for a picture before his first cup of java!
We all loaded onto the bus and headed for Terrain and a day of workshops, food, and fellowship. The energy on the bus was apparent and the friendliness contagious. As I sat smiling and listening to the chatter, a little piece of excitement crept back in. When we arrived, everyone was awed by the beauty and grace of Terrain. We were met with a roaring outdoor fire and a lovely breakfast. After some introductions and remarks, we all scattered to our various workshops. I walked into mine, Wreaths and Terrariums, knowing I would soon be found out as the only incapable, miserably uncreative fraud in the bunch. Megan was our instructor from Terrain, and before I knew it, I was walking away, a somewhat proud designer of a beautiful new terrarium and grapevine wreath! Megan answered every one of my I cant's with a YES you can - and I did!
We broke for lunch, another wonderful meal, and ventured into our next class. Mine was Inspired Tables with the fabulous Matthew Robbins! (If you haven't seen his book, Inspired Weddings, check it out!) I was certain I had just found my new BFF! He was funny, inspiring and encouraging - did I mention, just plain ADORABLE?!? We worked on four different tables with loads of goodies on each. In spite of my lack of flower arranging skills, with Matthew's help, I managed to walk away with beautiful reminders of a fun afternoon. Dinner that night was still at Terrain and was simply amazing! Best of all, we enjoyed an evening of very up close and personal conversation with Paul and the beautiful (both inside and out) Genevieve Gorder! Suddenly, I felt, not like an outsider, but a member of a very special group of people.
The second day found us at the URBN headquarters campus. I can't even begin to describe the atmosphere! From the sequin wall that greets you to every subtle nuance, you are drawn deeper in. I think any of us would have volunteered to work for nothing just to stay! Another amazing breakfast and lunch, and two more workshops awaited us. My first was with the renowned Lotta Jandsdotter for creative stenciling and design. The last was a watercolor and calligraphy class that was the final blow - and what a blow it was! My watercolor turned out well, but calligraphy - let's just say it - I SUCKED! My handwriting makes a physicians look great! Try as I might, I just couldn't even come close. But in my failure, I realized the purpose of my being there.
I learned many things on this trip and received confirmation of my imperfection. But that was the beauty in it all! By nature, humans are creative - it's built into our DNA. As kids we are naturally curious, inventive and eager to try. But then life happens. We go through experiences that attach labels to us. We try something and fail which begins the never-ending list of "I cant's" in our minds. We have relationships that are difficult and we realize, there is no way I can belong with a group of chatty ladies. I just won't fit in. I already know my limitations so I'm not even going to try! But those are the lies we bury deep in our souls, and they are just that - lies! What I learned this weekend was far more than making pretty wreaths. I learned that I can! Yes, even with 120 other women, many far more skilled in crafting than me, I can find that creativity and inspiration so long buried. Will it be perfect - heck to the no! But in our imperfection lies inspiration, and that leads us on a fabulous journey of discovery! Thank you Sweet Paul, and all my wonderful new friends for a gift such as this. It's priceless!
www.sweetpaulmagazine.com
About a year ago, I stumbled across a magazine called Sweet Paul. Paul is the master of all things crafty, creative and yummy. His magazine is like a beautiful coffee table book of inspiration. When it arrives, I send the family out for the evening, pour a glass of vino and enjoy a zen like evening of dreaming that I could one day be like Paul or Martha. Sadly, that comes to an abrupt halt when I glance around at the mounds of unfolded clothes, a kitchen in chaos after yet another half finished DIY project and the look of exasperation on my family's faces. Sweet Paul and Martha, I simply am not!
One day, as I was reading, I happened to see The Makerie - a two day workshop hosted by the team at Sweet Paul. I half jokingly shared it with my husband, who couldn't help but roll his eyes and look upward, saying help me! I just smiled, knowing all to well what that meant. Christmas rolled around some weeks later and he was almost giddy waiting on me to open my gifts. He saved the best for last. It was just a plain envelope, but what was inside would change my life in ways I never anticipated. It was a beautiful card from Sweet Paul announcing that I would be attending The Makerie! I couldn't do anything but stare at it in disbelief, with tears in my eyes.
The excitement mounted over the coming months as I prepared for my trip to Philadelphia. Paul and the team created a private FaceBook group for us to begin getting acquainted with others attending. As people shared their stories, my confidence slowly began to fade until the day before my flight. I awoke that morning in a total panic, thinking what the heck am I doing! I don't have a creative bone in my body! Yet, I was soon going to be surrounded not by 20, but 120 talented, successful, creative women! LORD, I CAN'T DO THIS! As the day progressed, so did my anxiety. Suddenly, the dread was bigger than the excitement I had once felt.
I boarded my flight, still very unsure, the next morning. A small group of us had arranged through our group page to meet for dinner that night, so at least I would know a few people! One flight delay after another however, caused most of the group to cancel dinner, but one new friend, Michelle, and I still managed to meet up. After an early meal and a restless night of trying to find an escape, I found my way downstairs to board the shuttle to our first day of workshops. The lobby was buzzing, so I put on the best fake smile I could muster and headed for the coffee. Right about then, who should walk in but Sweet Paul himself! I don't know a celebrity one that could brighten my mood any more! Paul was actually quite sweet as I asked him to pose (yes, I'm a nerd!) for a picture before his first cup of java!
We all loaded onto the bus and headed for Terrain and a day of workshops, food, and fellowship. The energy on the bus was apparent and the friendliness contagious. As I sat smiling and listening to the chatter, a little piece of excitement crept back in. When we arrived, everyone was awed by the beauty and grace of Terrain. We were met with a roaring outdoor fire and a lovely breakfast. After some introductions and remarks, we all scattered to our various workshops. I walked into mine, Wreaths and Terrariums, knowing I would soon be found out as the only incapable, miserably uncreative fraud in the bunch. Megan was our instructor from Terrain, and before I knew it, I was walking away, a somewhat proud designer of a beautiful new terrarium and grapevine wreath! Megan answered every one of my I cant's with a YES you can - and I did!
We broke for lunch, another wonderful meal, and ventured into our next class. Mine was Inspired Tables with the fabulous Matthew Robbins! (If you haven't seen his book, Inspired Weddings, check it out!) I was certain I had just found my new BFF! He was funny, inspiring and encouraging - did I mention, just plain ADORABLE?!? We worked on four different tables with loads of goodies on each. In spite of my lack of flower arranging skills, with Matthew's help, I managed to walk away with beautiful reminders of a fun afternoon. Dinner that night was still at Terrain and was simply amazing! Best of all, we enjoyed an evening of very up close and personal conversation with Paul and the beautiful (both inside and out) Genevieve Gorder! Suddenly, I felt, not like an outsider, but a member of a very special group of people.
The second day found us at the URBN headquarters campus. I can't even begin to describe the atmosphere! From the sequin wall that greets you to every subtle nuance, you are drawn deeper in. I think any of us would have volunteered to work for nothing just to stay! Another amazing breakfast and lunch, and two more workshops awaited us. My first was with the renowned Lotta Jandsdotter for creative stenciling and design. The last was a watercolor and calligraphy class that was the final blow - and what a blow it was! My watercolor turned out well, but calligraphy - let's just say it - I SUCKED! My handwriting makes a physicians look great! Try as I might, I just couldn't even come close. But in my failure, I realized the purpose of my being there.
I learned many things on this trip and received confirmation of my imperfection. But that was the beauty in it all! By nature, humans are creative - it's built into our DNA. As kids we are naturally curious, inventive and eager to try. But then life happens. We go through experiences that attach labels to us. We try something and fail which begins the never-ending list of "I cant's" in our minds. We have relationships that are difficult and we realize, there is no way I can belong with a group of chatty ladies. I just won't fit in. I already know my limitations so I'm not even going to try! But those are the lies we bury deep in our souls, and they are just that - lies! What I learned this weekend was far more than making pretty wreaths. I learned that I can! Yes, even with 120 other women, many far more skilled in crafting than me, I can find that creativity and inspiration so long buried. Will it be perfect - heck to the no! But in our imperfection lies inspiration, and that leads us on a fabulous journey of discovery! Thank you Sweet Paul, and all my wonderful new friends for a gift such as this. It's priceless!
www.sweetpaulmagazine.com
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